Johnny Depp v Amber Heard: Depp’s pressing superstar rehab stunt with the orphaned badger neighborhood

Johnny Depp’s agent says ex-wife Amber Heard’s 2018 op-ed piece describing herself as a victim of domestic abuse was “catastrophic” to his career and coincided with the loss of a $23 million deal for a “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel. Video / AP

Johnny Depp may have won his court case against ex-wife Amber Heard but neither party has emerged unscathed, which is why the Pirates Of The Caribbean star has kickstarted an emergency image rehab campaign by aligning himself with one of the world’s most vulnerable minorities: orphaned badgers.

Not enough work has been done for the orphaned badger community. For far too long, orphaned badgers everywhere have been silenced and ignored. Until now.

The spotlight being placed on orphaned badgers may be the only glimmer of hope to come out of the bitter trial between Depp and ex-wife Heard that featured claims and counterclaims of domestic abuse and exposed the actor’s dark struggles. Depp was ultimately awarded $10.35 million in damages, in contrast with $2 million awarded to Heard. And while the verdict was in Depp’s favour, his reputation is in tatters.

He’s now embarking on an image overhaul. And his first order of business has been throwing his support behind in-need badgers.

In the lead up to this week’s verdict, the actor jetted into the UK and surprised concertgoers by performing onstage with English music icon Jeff Beck in Sheffield. He then pulled another shock appearance when he accompanied the rock star to an animal rescue shelter in Kent and cradled an orphaned badger named Freddie.

Johnny Depp exploiting the orphaned badger community for his own gain.  Photo / Supplied
Johnny Depp exploiting the orphaned badger community for his own gain. Photo / Supplied

Was it a calculated photo-op to clean up his tarnished image? We can’t say for sure. But it does seem well timed – much like scandal-plagued Prince Andrew not being able to attend the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations this weekend because he conveniently tested positive for Covid right before it started.

Folly Wildlife Rescue posted a photo of Johnny with Freddie the orphaned badger and provided more details on the visit that included a tour of the hospital’s care and vet units.

“To top the visit off, we even allowed him the rare privilege of briefly holding Freddie … one of the many orphaned badger cubs we’re currently hand rearing – and I think it’s fair to say he was bowled over by the whole experience!” gushed the picture caption.

When it comes to getting back on top, Johnny’s prepared to do whatever it takes, goddam it – even if that includes cradling orphaned badgers.

But why did he choose orphaned badgers as the minority to fight for? Well, there are a lot of embattled celebrities in Hollywood who are trying to rehab their images, which means most of the mainstream social causes and charities are already taken. What was left? Orphaned badgers.

Now he has to really commit to the orphaned badger cause. He’s already touring with Jeff Beck so, naturally, the next step will be to release a charity single. Then start a website that sells overpriced orphaned badger merchandise – T-shirts, stubby holders, trucker caps. Then maybe a fundraising gala.

The thing is, embattled celebrities really have to pick their social causes wisely because they’ll be stuck with them for a really long time. Johnny has got some high-flying mates in Hollywood that stood by him during the trial, but his dedication to the orphaned badger community might be a bridge too far.

Amber Heard waits before the verdict was read at the Fairfax County Circuit Courthouse.  Photo / AP
Amber Heard waits before the verdict was read at the Fairfax County Circuit Courthouse. Photo / AP

“Ugh, I can’t believe we have go to Johnny’s orphaned badger dinner,” Jennifer Aniston might sigh to Courteney Cox on the phone. “I’m so sick of writing checks for these stupid badgers!”

It’s a desperate move by a desperate man, who’s now facing an uphill battle to rebuild his Hollywood career.

“Despite the fervent wishes of his diehard fans, Depp’s reputation remains on the skids thanks to the self-confessed condemnable behavior of the actor exhibited in his relationship with Heard,” news.com.au’s movie criticizing Wenlei Ma wrote this week.

“Prominent Hollywood studios will be hesitant to work with Depp again despite the verdict in his favour – the risk/reward matrix doesn’t measure up when there are still legions of moviegoers who will boycott anything he’s involved in.”

The Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial became a global reality show.  Photo / Getty Images
The Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial became a global reality show. Photo / Getty Images

Johnny needs the orphaned badgers more than the orphaned badgers need Johnny. He’s using the orphaned badger community for his own personal gain. It’s repulsive. Using orphaned badgers as an accessory? They’re not babies!

Has anyone stopped to ask the orphaned badgers if they even want to be associated with Johnny?

News Corp has reached out to the orphaned badger community but their spokesbadger did not provide a comment before publication.

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